What is going right in my life?

So often we focus on the negative, what is going wrong. As humans we always ask each other “whats wrong?” and then we respond “oh! nothing” because we don’t want anyone to know why we are actually upset. No one ever asks what is going right, then we answer and that positiveness will spread. Spreading positivity is one of the most underrated forms of therapy in my opinion.

Today’s prompt for my self esteem series is “What is going right in my life?”

The first thing that comes to mind about what is going right is my partner, Melissa. Nothing in my life has ever felt as right as my relationship with her. In that relationship I am me 100% of the time. I don’t have to hide anything and that in its self is so liberating.

Second is my career. I work in email marketing and I have a bright future here. I know that I am valued as a part of the team and that I have a boss who will stand up for me no matter what. Is it exactly what I see myself doing forever, nope but its a stepping stone and its allowing me to make money while I figure out these “messy twenties”.

I am very good at goal setting, I have high hopes and dreams.. (just started singing Panic! at the Disco in my head writing this). I am not scared of these dreams and I try to hustle to hit those goals everyday. I want to be an entrepreneur. I want to make this brand and this blog successful. I want to help people. I want to help the women who have dealt with the things I have not feel so alone, to know there is someone else fighting this fight and we can figure it out.

I do one thing for my self care every day. This is a huge one. It is so important to practice self care when trying to live a positive, healthy life. I am a fitness junkie and I get up at 5:15 and get my butt to the gym. That’s my me time. My happy hour. Starting my day with something for me gets my head in the right place to have a productive and successful day even when things get stressful or overwhelming.

If you get nothing else from this post, please ask yourself “what is going right?” and jot something down. Let me tell you, the head space I am in after writing this is a hell of a lot clearer than it was when I started. Writing this stuff down takes the weight off of you and puts it on the keyboard, the pen, the paper.

I wish there was a magic pill.

a poem-

I wish there was a magic pill, a new discovery, something, anything that I haven’t heard of or tried yet.

I am so sick of fighting the same battle since middle school.

I am so sick of crying when I see a picture of myself or look in the mirror or try on clothes.

I am not someone who gives up easily, I am not someone who is afraid of hard work but DAMN. I am tired.

How much of my life and I willing to let my weight, my looks, my insecurities take away? How much time will I waste letting those demons tell me I am worthless, that I am ugly, that I am a burden.

I feel like there are 2 sides of me.

The one who says “Live your Life” do what you want to do. Own that business, work that side hustle, put yourself out there and strive for your goals.

Then there is the one who says “you’re not good enough, you are not pretty, you are not smart, you will not be successful.” the one who says “eat the damn cookie because who gives a shit, you are already fat anyway.”

I search and search though Pintrest, Google, Web MD; PCOS diets, Insulin Resistance Weight loss, Rapid Weight Loss, plus size diet. The list goes on but the answer is the same.

  1. Drink enough Water
  2. Eat Whole Foods
  3. Stay away from refined carbs
  4. work out daily

I DO ALL OF THESE THINGS AND HERE I AM….

I am constantly fighting every moment of every day. Most times I can deal but today is not one of those days. The demons ate me today. I am fully consumed.

Blogger With No Laptop

It is every bloggers worst nightmare.

All my ideas, my drafts not to mention my outlet. GONE.

It has been a dark period friends, but never fear! My laptop has been fixed and I have a notebook full of ideas for you to consume.

In my time with no laptop I started writing for myself in a notebook… and I noticed the side effects that it had on my mental health. There was something so liberating about writing for me. My messy thoughts and scattered brain on paper.

No editing, no proofreading, no impostor syndrome- just clarity. I was happier, less anxious, and way more focused on other things in my life and not just the nasty voices in my head.

So I have decided that since I started this blog for me, I am going to do a series. I am going to write for me. I am going to share my prompts with you and I encourage you to write with me. Open up the dark corners of you. Learn something new, get those thoughts out on paper – you never know what may come of it.

Come with me, dear readers.

Let’s Adventure.

Old ways wont open new doors.

I have a calendar on my desk called #advicefromaunicorn and that was today’s advice. It amazes me just how much the universe knows what we need at the moment we need it.

I embarked on a new adventure yesterday for that exact reason. I have been working and working on finding the right solution to help me lose the weight and get healthy… but I wont get ahead of myself.

After going to my sisters wedding on Friday I was feeling like a piece of garbage. She is a fitness model, who looked like a damn princess that day, as she should, but I couldn’t help but compare myself to her, as I have my entire life. I am a human and comparison is part of our makeup, we know that comparison is a thief of reality and happiness- yet we do it anyway.

The day I got back from New York, Melissa and I joined a new gym that offers fitness classes as well as personal training. Knowing as much as I do about fitness, nutrition and training I never really considered spending the money to do personal training. Last night I took that leap, being the one thing I never tried.

After meeting with Brad- the trainer- we set a goal that is realistic and a timeline to hit it. He explained to me why what I have done in the past hasn’t worked and what we can do to fix it… then we did the workout.

DEAR LORD.

I have never felt more out of shape in my life. My entire vibe changed. I felt defeated and I felt like a liar. I work out 5-6 days a week and I couldn’t even do moves he was asking me to do. My anxiety took over and I started to question everything. I almost cried but I didn’t want to scare the poor man the first time he met me.

We went back to his desk and we made a plan and I committed. If he shows up for me, I will show up for him. If I give him one year of blood, sweat and tears- he will help me to reach my goal.

Happiness and health shouldn’t have a price tag, and unfortunately they do, but the best thing to invest in is yourself. I tell all my clients that and I need to live by my own mantras. I invested and I committed and I am logging it here on the day June 6, 2019. I don’t care if a single one of you reads this post but if you do I would appreciate any love/support. I will help you reach your goals if you help me reach mine.

xx,

Carly

Mindset Makeover

Hello! Happy Thursday 🙂

Last night I kicked off my Mindset Makeover Virtual Course. ( Its free if you still want to join, info is on my freebie page!) It was the first time I ever talked about my own content in my group, it’s the first time I ever went LIVE to talk on a video that wasn’t just a Instagram/Facebook story. IT WAS SCARY AF.. but I did it. It wasn’t perfect but I got the first one out of the way and that is an accomplishment in and of its self.

I wanted to share with you the content that I shared in my video, because who doesn’t need a little mindset shift every once in a while.

What is Mindset?

Mindset is defined as the established set of attitudes held by someone. Meaning that is a somewhat of a habit- its established, not easily shifted. You have heard of a Negative Nancy or a Positive Polly, people tend to gravitate toward one end of the spectrum or the other.

Why is Mindset Important?

Without the proper mindset goals are out of reach.

Negative mindset = negative results.

“The Body achieves what the Mind Believes”

Autumn Calabrese, Beachbody Super Trainer

That is one of my favorite quotes of Autumn’s. The example she uses when talking about this is if you go into your workout saying ” I am so tired, I don’t want to work out it’s going to suck,” then you bet your butt it is going to suck.. you have already put up that roadblock and you are setting yourself up for failure.

Mindset is the key to Success

So how do we create this success?

  1. GRATITUDE– An attitude of gratitude. This helps with the mindset shift, in my opinion it is THE most important part of this shift. If you shift your focus from the things that are going wrong to the things that have gone right and be thankful that you are not heading in the wrong direction. Be thankful that you have the opportunity to grow, be thankful that you have the ambition to keep going! Going hand in hand with gratitude is affirmation. You have to believe that you can reach that goal. Even if you don’t believe it right now, SAY YOUR AFFIRMATION ANYWAY. The more you say it the more you will believe it.
  2. Fake it till you make it, Baby! – You have heard (or maybe you haven’t) that your brain can’t tell the difference between a fake smile and a real smile. Your brain also does not change in an instant, when you learn something new it takes a while for you to absorb that information. By faking it, by affirming your goal, even if you don’t believe it; your brain will learn, over time, that that affirmation is true.
  3. Visualize– THIS IS SO IMPORTANT. When you reach the goal, when you get that thing, what does that look like? What does that feel like? What does it smell like? Put yourself there, feel the moment as you would like to experience it. Feels good right? That is your kick in the butt, that can be your reality if you let it be.

I hope this was at least mildly helpful/inspiring 🙂 If you have more tips and tricks I would love to hear them. Please comment or send me an email!

Hope you have a wonderful Holiday weekend.

XO

Carly

B A L A N C E

Happy Friday my Dear Readers!

This week something I have been lacking had been balance. Balance in my work life and home life and balance in my mind. I have been moving a mile a minute and I have made some, less than wonderful, decisions this week.

Raise your hand if you stress eat? *slowly raises hand*

Raise your hand if you are the person who has a huge ass to do list but sits on Pintrest instead because you are overwhelmed with the stuff on your list so you better just not do anything at all.

How do you get from being overwhelmed and out of wack to being back to balance and control?

My therapist taught me that when you are diagnosed with the depression the best thing you can do for yourself is to force yourself to do the things you don’t want to do. When you don’t want to get out of bed… do it. When you don’t want to work out.. do it. I think this principle applies here as well.

Instead of trying to do all the things you need to take a step back and figure out what you NEED to take care of in order to restore the zen, to get yourself back to the normal.

For example, I am a 5am work out person. This week with all the craziness that has been going on I have not worked out like I normally do. That alone starts my day off kilter. I am so used to having that “me time” in the morning that when I don’t have it my brain is already starting into panic mode. Second, I usually pack my lunch something healthy and filling. Instead this week I have ordered carry out for lunch every day and dinner twice. Not only is that against routine but eating crappy food makes you feel like crap. If you are what you eat… then this week I am crap.

I have been preparing to launch my very first free online course and I am so nervous to do that which is again causing the balance to be wack. My mind is racing with negative thoughts. ” It wont be good enough”, ” No one will come”, “no one will get it”. But, having everyone get it, and come is not the point. I am putting this information out and holding these class sessions because I wish someone was there to give that information to me. Same reason I started this blog. If one person gains anything from this then I have met my goal.

We get so out of balance when we try to take on the world, make everything perfect, do more than we have to. If we focus on the goal and take the steps to achieve that goal the balance is restored and instead of feeling overwhelmed you feel fulfilled.

So here is your take away. What is it that is making you feel off balance and why? Are you doing too much? are you not doing enough? Are you not giving yourself the credit you deserve?

Do only what will help fill your cup, otherwise it is not worth it.

XOXO,

Carly

3 WAYS TO STOP GETTING OVERWHELMED IN THE KITCHEN.

Anyone else feel like they are studying for finals when they sit down to meal prep for the week?… Let me set the stage for you. My kitchen table is covered in papers with recipes, notes and shopping lists. I have my nutrition books open to ensure my macros are correct and my Always Hungry? book (AH) by Dr. David Ludwig, which happens to be my latest nutrition obsession. The food bloggers I follow have meal prepping down to a science and the AH book has an entire page of materials that need to be prepped for the next weeks meals and I am about ready to pull my hair out.

Number 1: You don’t need ALL of it- Leftovers are a blessing.

These all inclusive meal plans that have you cooking 5 or 6 recipes on a Sunday night are absolutely not necessary, especially if you are the only one who will be eating them. You don’t need to make roasted chicken for dinner on Monday and a steak for lunch on Tuesday with organic tofu hash as a snack. I recommend picking one or two recipes that you are excited about and starting there. Make some extras and use your leftovers to make different meals. For example, this Sunday I am making roasted herb chicken (click here for the recipe). I am going to set aside some of that chicken to make chicken salad for my lunch on Monday and any other leftovers I will use for my soup that I am making on Wednesday. Once you really get into this meal prepping business in addition to doing an exorbitant amount of dishes, you will also likely have leftovers that can be frozen and saved for future weeks.


Number 2: It only has to be as complicated as you want it to be.

We are not all gourmet chefs, no matter how simplified a recipe is I will never make pan seared fish with a white wine reduction sauce. What the f*ck even is a reduction sauce?.. Look at the recipes that interest you and find a way to break them down into something manageable. At the core of the recipe its about the nutrients that make up the food, having a balance of the vital nutritional pieces put together in a mix that tastes at least somewhat delightful. Go based on what makes you happy and not what someone else tells you to do.


Number 3: Don’t forget the Snacks!

When changing your diet it is very common to hit a wall of “OMG I am so hungry I am going to eat an entire cake”. These are the moments when you have a tendency to fall off the wagon. I am a grab and go kind of person, if it’s not ready to go I will stare at the fridge until I am SO hungry that I somehow end up with a McChicken in my mouth. When you begin something new it is a good idea to have a variety of compliant snacks prepped- even if that means counting out almonds and putting them in a baggie. If that is too much for you, you can spend a little extra and get the almonds in a single serve pack, or hummus already in a cup to grab with a bag on mini carrots. Something else to keep in mind is that your snack should be something you enjoy eating. If you have a hard time eating celery and choose that as your snack, there is a very high chance that you will skip the celery and reach for the bag of chips in the pantry.

Mental wellness at work

Next week is my 2 year anniversary at my company and it has gotten me thinking about my journey thus far. I have worked with many different teams within my Family of Companies; Instructional Design, Technology Training, Training Coordination, Marketing Operations to name a few.

Never in my life have I stayed in one job too long, I am always looking for that next adventure, the next thing to pull me out of whatever anxiety I am having that I believe came from that job. Instead of confronting it, I left. Guess what.. the anxiety followed me and the pattern continued, well continues.

This time I wont let it take me away from something that is good for me. I am lucky enough to work for one of the best companies, a company that supports their employees, a company that understands my mental health issues, advocates for me and helps pay for my treatment. Instead of running away when things got tough, this time I asked for help from the resources that were available to me. I received an overwhelming amount of support from my team and my leadership. They didn’t see my calling in sick as me being “lazy” or “unreliable” as some had called me in the past. They saw my passion for my job and understood that this was not a reflection of me, but a consequence of my illness.

As I head into the third year here I want to remember that I have worked my ass off to get here and to stay here, I will not give up on the company that has not given up on me. It’s about not being afraid to be vulnerable and to ask for help when you need it. I could choose to let my anxiety take over and hide from the world or I can choose to fight and figure out how to live my passion every single day. This journey is an ever-winding path but I would rather stay on the road and see where it leads then to sit on the side of the street and wish that I didn’t have to start over AGAIN.

WHO AM I? And what happens when there is no easy answer?

Welcome to my blog! Whether you are a friend, family member or you stumbled upon this as a happy accident, I am happy to have you.

 

You’ve got to find yourself first. Everything else will follow.
CHARLES DE LINT
Finding yourself is never a task that is complete, with each day we learn something new about the world and decide if that is something we want to adopt into our everyday or not. These decisions you are making constantly will define who you are.
 

Making the Decision.

When you ask a three year old what she wants to be when she grows up she will tell you the honest truth. I want to be a princess, I want to be a police officer, I want to be a unicorn. She honestly believes that she can be any of those things. As we get to high school that question slowly starts to hold more weight, and as graduation day approaches it is a bolder that is almost impossible to lift.. at least it was for me.
 
In high school they make you take an aptitude test to see what you should be when you grow up… my test suggested that I be a stand up comedian or a garbage man. Oh GOOD.
I changed my major 3 times in college and I still had no idea what I wanted to do when I grow up, but I did know what I wanted to be, happy.
I struggled with depression for my entire life and this seemed like the most impossible goal.
Click HERE for my post about my battle with depression and anxiety.
 

Humans are adaptive creatures.

We learn to thrive (or survive) in the environment that we are settled in, as the environment changes we change with it. If we don’t change we feel stuck and that is a miserable place to be. Feeling like there is no room to grow, no where to move and not seeing any reasonable way to get yourself anywhere new.. .when you acknowledge that feeling you can rise above it, and that, my dear readers, is where we will start today.
 

My Story

Unfortunately, I have found myself in this situation so many times that I have gotten very good at just leaving. When it gets hard I am the one that says “see ya!” I’m sure that you don’t expect me to say that is an effective method and end the post right here. (cause It’s not).
 
This is the case in most aspects of my life, like changing my major in college. I started as a 2D design major, my professor didn’t like a drawing I worked on for 18 hours and I ended up failing the class.. that was the end of art school. Next on my list was business, which was good, until I had to take calculus.. then it was see ya later business school. I ended up leaving that university after switching my major to public relations and I graduated 3 years later with a degree in communications.
I have an extensive list of experience on my resume, not that I have ever been fired from a job but when it would cause me to have anxiety or if I had a fight with my boss or co-worker, it was on to the next one. The one that has gotten me to quit again and again and again in my life is fitness and nutrition programs. Dear lord I have tried them all.
 
I was always a big kid, ever since I can remember. Its very rare to see a 7 year old on Weight Watchers but here I was eating celery and baked chicken gaining weight. I had high cholesterol, heart issues and weight issues that started when I was 6. My life was try this diet, go see this doctor, get this blood work, see specialist after specialist after specialist.
When I was 11 I was diagnosed with Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS). This explained why I was having so many issues, but it proved to be impossible to lose weight. This is when my obsession with studying fitness and nutrition started. Things that worked for “regular” people didn’t work for me, my body worked differently and no one seemed to have answers.
 
Fast forward to high school and I was heavily involved in Marching Band. I was in the colorguard and was active for at minimum 20 hours a week. We were a competitive guard, traveling around the country to preform. This was the only time in my life my body was behaving like a normal humans, I was able to lose weight. Well working out 20 hours a week post graduation was virtually impossible and the weight snuck back on the minute I went away to school. I worked out every day at least once, I joined a dance team and the marching band but is was not the same as it was in high school and I was not getting any results.I was frustrated and gave up multiple times, switching out my healthy salad for chili cheese fries and chicken fingers because what was the difference anyway?
 
Enough of the “woe is me” bullshit. Life is hard, we know this. I am not trying to tell you my life is any better than yours, or that I am a saint for battling this my whole life. What I will tell you is it is a much better way to live if you become a warrior instead of a whiner. A Phoenix is born from it’s ashes just as humans are grown in hardship. The minute I stopped complaining and started learning I became a warrior. In this blog I will share with you 3 things,
1. My knowledge of fitness and nutrition formulated especially for women with PCOS, insulin resistance and other health issues.
2. My knowledge as well as coping methods for dealing with mental and physical chronic illness.
3. My journey and things that have worked and NOT worked for me.
4. My life and things I feel like writing because you are here and I am telling you things.
 
Hope you enjoy!
 
xoxo, 
Carlyhireme

DRESS FOR THE PART

Why do people always say “dress for the part you want” and why it actually works!

Have you ever been told not to dress for the job you have, but the job you want?

About 5 years ago, my father was working at a hospital doing hyperthermia research( and physics things that I do not understand enough to even explain it here.) The hospital’s dress code allowed him to wear jeans. My Dad always wore a dress shirt, tucked in to his belted jeans, and dress shoes. One day he was in an elevator and a man in a suit asked him if he could change a light bulb- he thought my dad was a maintenance man. Why? Because he was wearing jeans.

The man assumed that my dad was not a business man, or a doctor, or a scientist because of how he was dressed. Now in my Millennial mind.. this is garbage. I can’t believe that happened- but it’s true and my dad has worn dress pants to work every day since.

Why should it matter what I look like if I am the right person for the job? The truth is that it doesn’t. It goes much deeper than that.

The Power of the “Thing”

At some point in your life you have probably heard the term “power heels” or the song that goes “..these boots were made for walkin'” – when a woman wants to feel powerful she fastens her power heels and can take on anything. Have you ever met a person claiming that they can’t play basket ball without their lucky socks? Or do you have a grandmother who will never leave the house without lipstick? These are the things of power.

When we dress for the part we are empowering ourselves to believe that we are the best for the job, that we are confident or that we are capable. When you put on those heels to give a presentation and you get up there and you feel good about yourself, you are embodying that confidence and power. When you go to a club to go dancing, you put on your favorite skirt that makes you feel sexy you will portray yourself as sexy. If you feel great, you can trick your brain into thinking that you are great, confident, sexy; and most people will never be able to tell the difference.

Yes, it is true. We are human. The things we do, the things we eat, the things we care about, the things we work our asses off for, as well as the way we dress are all influenced by our desire to be viewed a certain way by other people. The hard truth is, this is the easy part. Impressing someone else or getting their attention, or maintaining that “front” is easy. You cater to what it is that you know that they value in this world. Your significant other likes a girl in heels? Easy. Go get yourself a pair pumps and wear them out all night, forget about if they kill your calves and you can’t walk the next day without screaming in pain on the inside. Your boss comments that she is ga-ga over the new Urban Decay lipstick? Easy. Spend a quarter of your paycheck and upgrade your make-up arsenal, it is sure to impress her. Just be sure to also grab a pack of Top Ramen, because you probably won’t be able to afford the luxury of healthy, more pricey food the rest of the week. The point is that yes, we naturally want to grab the attention of the people in our lives. That is totally natural. But, find the balance of doing “for them” and doing “for you”. If that Urban Decay lipstick makes you feel sexy AF, confident and most importantly HAPPY, then spend the extra cash for it. Do it for you. And be extra happy because you are also going to get some brownie points from your boss. But, if you are struggling this month to pay the rent and the bills and for the oil change that you’ve been putting off for three months, then find the compromise of what is going to make you happy, what will impress the boss and what you need to maintain you happiness over time (I promise that belated oil change is worth more than a new shade of lipstick in the long run!).

We are adults. We play so many roles in our daily lives and are constantly being pulled in so many different directions. Finding that “happy place” is often difficult, stressful and absolutely time consuming. Dressing the part is a little way of finding that balance in yourself. It means more than just dressing in a way that is going to get you that promotion. It is about dressing in a way that is going to make you feel that you are the most deserving of that promotion, because you totally are. So, go out and try new things with your wardrobe. Figure out what piece of apparel will get you to that point of feeling the most powerful and the most confident, and as happy as you could possibly be. Go get those bangs you always wanted and rock them! If you feel it, they will most definitely notice.